Musings at 10:56pm 

Early one tonight. There’s not much you can do or handle other than sleep when you’re in time’s waiting line to be healed.

“What would a break achieve?” he asked. I couldn’t answer him then, but now I can say that a break makes you adjust to being alone. Being alone offers you a different perspective. Maybe during the break I could learn something and I’m not sure if it would have changed things after the break. But he had something better in mind. A break UP? What did a break up achieve? Tonight I was able to channel my anger into a whole different argument with my mother. I didn’t have to talk to her like I was afraid of losing him because I had already lost him. She didn’t evolve into a fully enraged tiger mum. This time she stopped so I could talk and there was so much I wanted to say but I’m not sure if she was still there by the time I got up to my big reason, as we were a hallway apart and it had become awfully silent. By then I’m also not sure if she would have been able to understand me clearly even if I had went on and talked at the air by myself like a crazy person. When emotions blur your eyes, your mouth also becomes muffled (though I’m not really sure by what). I didn’t know that I could be so pathetic at handling the outcome of doing something I detested, so I promise to never silent treat anyone again, especially if I love that person. I also didn’t know it was possible to cry your heart out so brutally that the world could stop in front your face.

11:27 pm